fauxpoo

August 23, 2007 at 4:58 pm 3 comments

I emailed the band director Monday. No response. I forwarded the same email on Wednesday. No response. Tomorrow is the last day for her to pass off her music. And, I’m sure she’ll wait until tomorrow to do it. And, I don’t think she really gives a rip, to tell you the truth. Ya know what she said when I said that if they tell her she can’t march that we’d pull her out of band? She said, “Okay. Then I can be in gifted art again. With Luke!”   (Now, now, dear. Dry those tears! I know you’d be crushed if you couldn’t be in band. Sniff, sniff. Sighhhhhhhhhhhh.) She doesn’t care. She just wants to get to go on all the cool trips. So that’d be THE ONLY bummer for her.  Terry and I want her to care. But, alas! She just wants band for the social aspects of the situation, apparently. But, if she should lose her place in the half time show and be subsequently pulled out of the ranks completely by her parents, “oh well…I’ll just transfer into Gifted Art with my buddy Luke.”  

Terry really wants her to care, and it makes him mad that she doesn’t care. But, anymore, I’m sorta of the mindset that a person has to choose their battles, ya know? But, I’ll letcha know if she makes the cut or not tomorrow. On the bright side, it’d be a lot cheaper if she’s not in band. Hhhhhhhhhhhh. Well, I’m trying to be positive.

Today my side-plaquette zipper on my chocolate brown wide leg pants began to show signs of wear and tear. I’m sure that has NOTHING to do with the extra twenty pounds I’m carrying around. But, I will say, TWICE today it has threatened at a very inopportune time to NOT UNZIP. Imagine standing in the stall trying frantically to unzip… and meeting with difficulty. Immediately thoughts emerged of having to rip the pants off by physically tearing the fabric in order to avoid further complications. Immediately I considered what could follow: Phoning from the stall begging assistance from a co-worker, perhaps? “DeLois? I’m uhhhhhhhhhh… Well… Could you dash out to the mall and get me a pair of size ten khakis? I’ll wait here. Thanks.”   But, after much pulling and tugging and petitioning God, my trial passed without reputation-damaging consequences. (Twice!)

I went to Target on my lunch hour today. They had my Brilliant Brunette hair spray in stock, so naturally I bought ‘em out. I’m tellin’ you people! Nearly forty years of dealing with my favorite things being discontinued has made me become crazed about stocking up the products I love. Every time I come back from Target, my co-workers always suggest that there must be a liquor store near there, because according to my fellow associates, I’m always far too happy when I return from a Target shopping experience. Knowin’ I don’t drink a drop! Why don’t they understand that elation sensation that follows a good trip to Target? I completely adore that store! Can I get a witness? 

Today David Bradford (an engineer where I work) brought me a little surprise after being in my lobby through much horsing around and carrying on between me and Stephanie, the girl that relieves me for lunch. Well, really it was sort of me horsing around at Stephanie’s expense. She’s so stinkin’ fun to harass.  But, anyway, David brought me a little brown capsule that my friend Leigh Ann once found in the arm rest of my blue-hair blue minivan. And what would that little brown capsule be you may wonder? Well, that’s what Leigh Ann asked the day she found it. And, so, I’ll tell you. It’s Barbie’s dog’s poo. Yes. You heard me right. Barbie…as in Barbie dolls. Barbie has a dog. And, the dog…well…It “does it’s business”.  My sister in law got Barbie and her dog for Maggie for Christmas. I found the whole concept completely repulsive. So, I of course gathered up all the poo pellets and threw them away. Or, at least, I thought I had ‘em all. Jessye took some of them and hid them. She laughs every time I find one. She said, “I KNEW you’d try to throw them away! That’s why I made off with some of ‘em!”  And, y’all, I find Barbie dog poo pellets in the strangest places. In my van, for instance. I reason that it’s not unlike Easter grass or Christmas tree icicles. Once they are allowed inside your house, you never truly get rid of ‘em all. And, Terry has real issues with Easter grass. But, that’s another blog. For now, back to the toy poo pellet:  Leigh Ann took the brown capsule she’d found in my van and put it on her desk. As the marketing coordinator, she came in contact with practically the whole office. And, she said it was amazing to her that of all the things on her stuff-covered desk, that tiny little capsule drew more queries than anything else. And, naturally she’d share the story with each questioning associate, ’til one day David Bradford stole the poo. 

Today he brought it to me, concealed in his hand and said, “Here…” Not realizing that Leigh Ann had told me that he’d taken it from her desk top months before, I just looked at him and said, “I know what you have, and I do not want Barbie’s Dog’s poo.”  Nonetheless it is on my desk again in my little office supply organizer caddy. Hhhhhh.

Now Patrick Smith wants me to bring the toy dog in because he thinks it would make an excellent Tic-Tac dispenser. He said he can’t wait to be in a meeting, offer someone a tic tac, and pull out that dog. I told him I would see if I could find the plastic K-9, but that I could not make any promises considering the current disastrous state of Maggie’s bedroom. He wants Barbie’s dog y’all.  Barbie’s gross, gross dog that generates little brown capsules of faux poo.  Barbie has really come a long way from just being Ken’s arm-candy, hasn’t she? I guess it was when she became Pet Doctor Barbie that the need for amusing accessories such as these came to be created.   

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Entry filed under: mindless babble.

surely not whew!

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Leigh Ann  |  August 24, 2007 at 9:59 am

    Ha! I laughed out loud reading this! I sure do miss you and our everyday office antics!! Let’s plan something soon to catch up. Need to fill ya in on a little gossip anyways 🙂

    Like

  • 2. TM  |  August 24, 2007 at 10:35 am

    Yeah, sistah! I miss you, too. And, I’mo tell ya, it’s a tough job trying provide entertainment for this whole office on my own. I just feel an obligation to step up to the plate and try to somehow fill some of the void in the level of levity around here without you. But, who am I kidding? I could never fill your shoes. Why try? Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yes, come up here soon and we’ll go for Madison Avenue burgers and fries dunked in fresh homemade ranch! Yummmmmmmmmmmmmy! Cain’t wait to hear whatever your news is!

    Like

  • 3. Aprille Roberts  |  August 25, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    Noelle has just been into Barbie since about Christmas – she has always been into baby dolls instead. So, fortunately – until now, I have been spared having to know about the poo-dog. What wonderful and exciting things I apparently have to look forward to for my daughter in the toy department! Love ya!

    Like

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