dental dayspa

April 15, 2008 at 12:03 pm 4 comments

I had an appointment with the dental hygienist this morning. Instead of the typical teeth cleaning involving a high tech professional spin brush tool, my teeth were sand-blasted with a baking soda and water mixture. In addition to my teeth, my entire face was pretty much sandblasted. She covered my eyes with a tissue, but I must say that once the actual sandblasting began, I quickly decided I’d better close those peepers tight under that Kleenex before I wound up with grit on my eyeballs. I’m tellin’ you what! There was sandy mess flying everywhere! And despite the fact that the focus was my teeth, I couldn’t have asked for a better facial exfoliation treatment had I gone to the local dayspa! Once this unconventional teeth cleaning method was complete, the hygenist presented me with a very warm washcloth with which to clean my face. No! I swear. I’m tellin’ you, this was something akin to a facial! 

(I asked Kia if she would be reapplying my Mary Kay before I left.) I am still finding sandy, gritty patches on my face. I figure I can skip the microdermabrasion scrub tonight. Yeah? Surely my pores must be radically clean now, and I’m certain that a couple of layers of lifeless skin have been lifted away, revealing a more radiant, youthful face! In fact, I think when I get this done again in late October, I’m just gonna don a bikini and a trench coat and let the hygenist sand blast everything head to toe. Sure, it may be messy, but imagine the age-defying benefits a nice baking soda sandblast would have on my skin!


So, all manner of dental science has been recommended on my treatment plan. I have no idea what the name of the appliance is that they want to have made for me.  All I know is it looks like a retainer and costs out the wa-zoo! But, long story short, it’s all about treating TMJ and teeth grinding issues. I grind my teeth so badly that I’m corroding my smile away. At the rate I’m going, when I’m a senior citizen I’m gonna have the shortest little teeth ever if they don’t do something to correct things. They’re checking to see if insurance will by some wild chance cover any of this treatment. Although, she’s already told me that it usually won’t.  Can you say $900? Yep, yep, yep…


Meanwhile, since I can’t PhotoShop my actual teeth,  I think I will give Crest White strips the old college try.  ZOOM whitening which is done in about an hour in the dentist’s chair costs FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh my! Hhh!   People, people, PLEASE!  All I want is teeth as white as an Altoid! Is that too much to ask? Why does that have to be so expensive that I’ll need to mortgage something to be able to pay for it? Good grannies!

Entry filed under: ranting and raving.

happy birthday APRILLE -21lbs

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Tracey  |  April 15, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    Oh! Well that being the case, forget the teeth whitening! I’ll just get a paintbrush and apply it liberally to my thighs.


  • 2. susan  |  April 15, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    it would, but it’d prolly leave a hollow feeling inside.


  • 3. Tracey  |  April 15, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    How ’bout just a quick sloosh with Clorox? Would that work?


  • 4. susan  |  April 15, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    crest whitestrips work. i’ve used them.


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