daddy daily volume 29

August 23, 2008 at 5:37 pm 4 comments

Well, Daddy was resting today when I went to see him. He was glad to see me. I brought a gift bag with Nutter Butters, Reese’s peanut butter cups, and Snickers. WHO, I ask you, would not be glad to see a person with that kind of calling card? = ) When I was a little girl, Daddy would disappear in his pick up truck, and return with a little brown paper sack of goodies. And, we’d all be gathered downstairs in the den of our house on Victoria Drive…And Daddy would pour the contents of that little brown bag on the coffee table for all of us to share. And, I’mo tell ya, when a bag full of candy bars and other treats are scattered across a table…It looked to us girls like a treasure chest had just been dumped out!

He’s confused. And, I do not anticipate improvement. He talks of taking care of things at school.  He cites numbers and measurements.  He wants to visit Robbie and Paul. He also wants to go and visit his mother and daddy…(who, of course, have been walking the streets of gold since I was 16 and 18, respectively.) He cries when he is reminded that his parents have died. Daily.

He worries that something is wrong with his marriage. He is constantly asking Mama if they are “okay”. Mama reassures him daily. Sometimes multiple times daily that they will be together til death do they part and that she loves him. And he professes his love for her. He tells her how beautiful she is. And that she’s doing such a good job.  She assists him with clean dry clothes multiple times daily. And talks to him about how he cannot walk, that he is not strong enough. Regularly she tells him where he is. She’s begun calling where he is a hospital again. Certainly he cannot imagine needing to be in a nursing home; he believes he can do anything.

Today he told me he didn’t have ANYTHING. I said, “Yes, you do!” And to that he replied. I mean my truck.  A man who’s accustomed to being able to hop in his truck and go anywhere he likes has a tough time not being able to leave the building.

I’m so sorry I haven’t written much. But, little is changing. He’s combative. THen he’s not. Then he’s tired and can’t speak well sometimes. But then sometimes he can. Mostly he doesn’t say a lot that is relevant to anything that’s going on. I think his mind is constantly searching for understanding of what is going on. But, he can’t find it. Today he drew his fist back and might have punched Mama in the face if she hadn’t been quick enough to move back out of his range. And, God in Heaven knows that he would NEVER do that if he weren’t in this sort of mental state.

Hhhhhhhhh. It is soooooooooooooooo sad! I know I’m not writing about Daddy’s condition much anymore. And, I’m so sorry about that, for those of you who are friends of our family and are looking daily for updates. But, there just hasn’t been any good news in so long! And I just really don’t think we’re gonna see any REAL turn arounds. I would love to be wrong about that. ANd I pray many times daily that God will restore my Daddy. But, I don’t know that his restoration will come here on earth.

I am so deeply sorry for him. I wish I could fix him! I wish I could scoop him up and hold him and rock him like a baby…and make everything okay again! Iknow I’ve said that very thing before, y’all…but it is a recurring thought for me in these tough days. I think I inherited the “rescuer” gene from Daddy. And, I so want to swoop in and save him fromthis horrible state of affairs!  But I can’t. I can’t do a single thing to fix this! That is my overwhelming sadness in this whole thing. I just miss my Daddy so much; and he’s alive! I don’t want to cry about this anymore. (Too bad! That’s about all I do anymore when I think about him!)  But, we’ve got a lot to cry about. He’s not the same fella anymore. And, I just want him back. I miss him so much. Sooooo much!

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Entry filed under: daddy daily, pray for....

odes to the first day of kindergarten a friend sent me this cute email story…enjoy!

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dewitt Spencer  |  August 23, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    Oh, Tracey, how hard for you and mom and Susan! Please don’t feel obliged to report for our sake as it must be double torture seeing JR in such a shape and then telling about it. A good friend of your dad’s from bygone days called today, Carl Martin Richardson, and I told him about your situation. He couldn’t believe it and kept saying, “He’s such a good fellow.”
    Zilla and I were glad we got to see you and mom and Susan even if it was another sad occasion. Please know we are thinking of you all with greatest love and affection.

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  • 2. tracey sims malone  |  August 23, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Ohhhh, I am glad to report, Dewitt. I just wish I had better news to write about. Instead, it’s just more of the same sad situation. But, I will certainly continue to write. And, I’ll do better than I have here lately! I was somewhat shocked to read how long the last ‘Daddy Daily” volume was posted myself!

    We are EVER SO GRATEFUL for the love and prayers and support of our dear friends! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    We love y’all and are truly blessed to have such faithful loved ones praying alongside us, and lifting us up.

    Blessings,
    Tracey

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  • 3. Mel  |  August 23, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    Tracey, I love you so much. I want to scoop you up and hold you and make it all better. Anytime you need to talk or need anything at all please call me. I miss you and I’m so sorry. “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” Psalm 91:4

    Like

  • 4. Billy McCord  |  August 24, 2008 at 9:02 pm

    Tracey thanks for the update. I share Dewitt Spenser’s sentiments about it being hard to report. I know nothing is new but it sure does help to hear it from you. But please don’t feel obligated because I really do know how it feels.

    The horror of such a disease is that they are alive but not with you. Now I know that must be terrible. We pray for JR and his family. We care deeply and I mean that.
    God bless you.

    Like

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