locked out

May 16, 2018 at 2:58 pm Leave a comment

Well, I enjoyed an incredible start to my day at Malone Manor, this fine morning. While outside trying to convince The Doctor (our older daughter’s long-haired Dachshund puppy) to “go outside”, I manage to lock MYSELF out of my house, and without my cell phone.  Jessye is at work. Terry is asleep. Maggie is upstairs getting ready for school. And, I am outside knocking at the back door. Knocking and calling, “Hello? Maggieeeeee? It’s Mama! I’m locked ouuuut. Maggiee?” (Mind you, it’s 6:35am. I don’t want to wake the neighbors.  So, there wasn’t a lot of torque behind my calls for help.) What to do? What to do?

I stealthily walk out the back gate into the front yard, leaving Mother Maybelle (our Yorkshire Terrier) and The Doctor secured in the back. Doorbell is broken, so I knock on the front door awhile. I knock some more. No dice. Maybe my truck was unlocked? It BETTER NOT BE. I hope it is…then, I can use the garage door opener. Nope. Locked.

So, I go around to the side yard and throw a piece of hardwood mulch at Maggie’s window. Again, and again I pinged her window with that chunk of wood. Did she come to the window? Why, noooo.  So, I go to my own bedroom window and tried the same routine. Nope.

Back around to the backyard I stomp. Knocking. Calling. I am sure all the neighbors hear me and are cussing me. I half-expect someone to come out, in their pajamas, and offer to call someone inside my house for me.

Birds are starting to get agitated due to my presence and all the knocking and pecking I’m doing. All the birds in the neighborhood are now encroaching upon my backyard. A murder of crows squawks angrily at me. A redbird couple sits on the fence. They mock me, and cock their heads to the side as they consider my plight.  I am starting to think about that dang Alfred Hitchcock movie, “The Birds”. I grow more irritated, and a liiiiiittle bit freaked out. Birds squawk louder. I turn and yell at them. “Oh yeah? COME AT ME!”  I quickly hush, as I suddenly realize I am talking to birds.

I return to knocking. I am tapping S-O-S on the door now. Maybe some military veteran will hear the code, recognize my distress call, and come rescue me.

Door opens. It’s Maggie. She has a look of total shock and fear on her face. “Maaaaaama! You were locked out all this time? Ohhhh I am sooooo sorry!!!!”

I am sweaty. It is 7am, now. I am BY NO MEANS ready for work.
Glad I decided to don jeans before going in the backyard, or this story would have been waaaaay worse.

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Entry filed under: lucy moments, the daily grind.

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