Posts filed under ‘lucy moments’

locked out

Well, I enjoyed an incredible start to my day at Malone Manor, this fine morning. While outside trying to convince The Doctor (our older daughter’s long-haired Dachshund puppy) to “go outside”, I manage to lock MYSELF out of my house, and without my cell phone.  Jessye is at work. Terry is asleep. Maggie is upstairs getting ready for school. And, I am outside knocking at the back door. Knocking and calling, “Hello? Maggieeeeee? It’s Mama! I’m locked ouuuut. Maggiee?” (Mind you, it’s 6:35am. I don’t want to wake the neighbors.  So, there wasn’t a lot of torque behind my calls for help.) What to do? What to do?

I stealthily walk out the back gate into the front yard, leaving Mother Maybelle (our Yorkshire Terrier) and The Doctor secured in the back. Doorbell is broken, so I knock on the front door awhile. I knock some more. No dice. Maybe my truck was unlocked? It BETTER NOT BE. I hope it is…then, I can use the garage door opener. Nope. Locked.

So, I go around to the side yard and throw a piece of hardwood mulch at Maggie’s window. Again, and again I pinged her window with that chunk of wood. Did she come to the window? Why, noooo.  So, I go to my own bedroom window and tried the same routine. Nope.

Back around to the backyard I stomp. Knocking. Calling. I am sure all the neighbors hear me and are cussing me. I half-expect someone to come out, in their pajamas, and offer to call someone inside my house for me.

Birds are starting to get agitated due to my presence and all the knocking and pecking I’m doing. All the birds in the neighborhood are now encroaching upon my backyard. A murder of crows squawks angrily at me. A redbird couple sits on the fence. They mock me, and cock their heads to the side as they consider my plight.  I am starting to think about that dang Alfred Hitchcock movie, “The Birds”. I grow more irritated, and a liiiiiittle bit freaked out. Birds squawk louder. I turn and yell at them. “Oh yeah? COME AT ME!”  I quickly hush, as I suddenly realize I am talking to birds.

I return to knocking. I am tapping S-O-S on the door now. Maybe some military veteran will hear the code, recognize my distress call, and come rescue me.

Door opens. It’s Maggie. She has a look of total shock and fear on her face. “Maaaaaama! You were locked out all this time? Ohhhh I am sooooo sorry!!!!”

I am sweaty. It is 7am, now. I am BY NO MEANS ready for work.
Glad I decided to don jeans before going in the backyard, or this story would have been waaaaay worse.

May 16, 2018 at 2:58 pm Leave a comment

“Here lies Mama. Choked to death during THE GOOD PART.”

So today, my chest and back are really sore and achey. I was starting to feel a little worried…and then I remembered…

LAST NIGHT I had a little episode with crackers NOT wanting to go all the way down the hatch. See, I was lying in my chaise lounge, aka Mama’s Throne, aka The Lie Down Chair, and I was slid so far down in the chair that I was pretty much sitting bent at the neck…My head and shoulders were about where I started stretching out towards the foot of the chair.  And, I was eating Triscuit Parmesan and garlic crackers. They’re delicious, but they’re dry as HAY.

Well, I didn’t have anything to drink…And didn’t realize there was a problem until it began to feel like a softball was stuck in my back. I was pretty much immobilized. I could still talk….but I KNEW I had to have something to drink FAST or there was gonna be trouble! So, I started calling for help. “Coke! I need COKE!”

Now, Terry and Jessye are standing in front of the TV watching the movie “HITCH” starring Will Smith.   Nobody responded. And my sixteen year old waves me off telling me, “This is the DANCE scene! We’ve been waiting all night for this!”

Terrific!  So, as I lay DYING… nobody really even realized it because, afterall, it was THE GOOD PART of the movie. Hhhhhhhhh.

By the time the “Q-TIP! Throw it away, throw it away” scene was through, I was in serious pain. Sort of a numb, helpless, out of the body experience. The scene finally ended, and they turned around to find me virtually in a back-bend in my chair trying to help the softball size wad of crackers move painfully down the hatch. I guess my eyes were bugged out on stems. Because, finally, AFTER THE GOOD PART, and through their laughter, I got some assistance from my family.

By this time I was pretty much frantic, of course. Terry’s all: “What’s wrong honey?”

And I’m all: CRACKERS! CRAAACKERS!!!!! They’re stuck! Get me a coke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 Okay, so I lived. It was touch and go there for awhile. But finally I was able to dissolve the wad-0-Tricuits with a Co-Coler. And then it started…the MOCKING and poking fun at poor, nearly choked to death Mama.

 No respect. No respect at all. Can’tcha just see my tombstone?

“Here lies Mama. Choked to death during THE GOOD PART.”

November 9, 2009 at 5:26 pm 2 comments

maybelle made a break for it

Last night our yorkie, Mother Maybelle escaped from the house out into the front yard. This is bad. This is very, very bad. That dog is a complete freak once she feels the freedom of a fenceless piece of terra firma!

I broke into a gallop over the thresh hold of the front door! Leaping like a gazelle out onto the manicured front lawn I went, sporting my round toed kitten heel pumps. I hollered like a maniac at that dog. MAYBELLE! MAYYYYYYYYYYYBELLE! Get over here you stupid lard!

She ran west to the Downs’ yard. She ran east to the Phipps’ yard. She ran even further east into the yard of the lovely family I have not gone down to meet as of yet. Finally in desperation, I stopped amidst the clover of my neighbors yards, and took of my shoe. YES. You heard me. (Dang dog!) Still trying to yell her into submission and shame unsuccessfully, I hurled my shoe in her general direction. (Don’t worry. I am a horrible pitcher.) She did, however stop and run over to see what I had thrown. I a-l-m-o-s-t got her before she escaped my grasp again. I flung the other shoe! I did this four times, and the dumb dog ran back to see what I’d thrown for her all four times. Fourth time, I finally got a good enough hold on her.

Completely unaware of my surroundings, I grabbed up our pedigreed canine and chastised her loudly and repeatedly. I looked up to see three neighbor children on the porch of the home on which lawn I was standing. *heh! heh-hehh… … … Hhhhh.*

All three of them had horrified looks on their faces. They looked afraid. They looked very afraid.

Oh well. I guess I’ll be “that crazy dog snatchin’ lady” now to all the little children in our cove.

Could be worse, I guess. Hhhhhhhhh! Dang dog!


September 1, 2009 at 5:07 pm Leave a comment

labor day weekend debrief

Jessye’s first marching performance went great.  And, I got to see my first cousin, Paula, too! We were playing their team! I had no idea, of course, since I was just there to see the star sax player! =) Our good friends Vicki and John (more…)

September 4, 2007 at 7:06 pm 2 comments

pooooooooor li’l ol’ piccolo player

As I said earlier in the week, tonight will be Jessye’s first time to march a halftime show in front of a crowd. So, I’m excited. I don’t know if she is or not. I mean, afterall, she will be wearing (according to Jessye) the WORLD’s UGLIEST SHOES.  Terry laughed out loud when he saw them the first time. And, they are pretty ugly. It’s like a morph between an Easy Spirit and a low-top Reebok, in black. Now, that’s ugly, folks.  But, reportedly they’re very comfortable. Perhaps that will ease the pain somewhat. Considering my fashion-conscious daughter, I seriously doubt if their comfort will be much (if any) consolation.

Marching band brings back memories for me. I marched four years of high school, two semesters at Mississippi State, and one semester at Memphis State, back when it was still called Memphis State. One day in particular will be etched…no engraved…no…indelibly entrenched forever in my psyche. 


August 31, 2007 at 2:31 pm Leave a comment

veeta vita vegimine

Have I mentioned that I’ve started taking vitamins? I thought I’d better do SOMETHIN’ when I started losin’ hair a few weeks back. And, that has slowed down dramatically, by the way. (Praise God.)

Anyhow, per the advice of my doctor, I have begun taking calcium supplements, as well as a Centrum multivitamin daily. And, I know that for folks who are REALLY into vitamins, that’s nothin’. But, for me, it’s huge. Why? Because the stinkin’ pills themselves are HUGE. (more…)

August 7, 2007 at 8:25 pm 2 comments

sudoku jethro

Well, I’m awaiting the report from Doc Jenkins regarding yesterday’s blood work. He says my thyroid is NOT enlarged, so I’ve sort of given up hope that blood work will reveal that my thyroid is the culprit for some of my symptoms. But, I do have a prescription for Paxil CR for the rest of my symptoms.  Greg (my doctor) thinks I’m experiencing hair loss due to stress.  And, isn’t that just peachy? (more…)

July 12, 2007 at 9:58 am 2 comments

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